So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
