And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
