highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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