my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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