It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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