2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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