Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
