her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
