How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
