Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
