I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
