Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
