Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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