Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
