I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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