I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
