im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
