Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
