that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize