At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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