can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
