If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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