Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
