omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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