**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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