My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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