he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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