some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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