just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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