eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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