Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
