MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
