imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
