The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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