What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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