You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
