A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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