id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
