I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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