you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
