im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
