I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
