He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
