I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he thought i was a dude.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
