I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we're making bets on your personal life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
