How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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