my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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