If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize