im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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