Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
