dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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