Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
