I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
