Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
