I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
