..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
