I just made out with a guy for $7.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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