some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
