Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
