He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize