office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
