Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
