i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He passed out mid-signature
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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