i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
